The life of a businessman
By: Avery 6th
Interval I
Sam Shopan waited at his desk, twiddling his thumbs. He was a worn man with balding grey hair and a tight gray suit. He liked yelling, he worked at a factory called ‘Towels’, as general manager he thought it his job to yell at the workers until they were going twice as fast as they usually were.
Any time he wasn’t doing that he was sitting in a rather large lawn chair sipping iced tea. Yes he was pretty greedy and yes he made a lot of money. Today would be particularly special day for the company, and especially for our dear Sam
“I need this done by Thursday!” Sam shouted at sweating men attempting to shape triangular towels but ending up pulling there selves out of large piles of material. Sam shouted at a few more people before retreating up to a large catwalk where the workers passed. Sam enjoyed intimidating them while they shifted pass his colossal lawn chair. He sipped some of his iced tea and saw Derek, a handsome, hardworking 19 year old who was trying to get enough money to go to college. Derek nodded at Sam, who stood up, his face vibrating.
“TODAY YOU BETTER GET THESE TOWELS DONE!!!” Sam cried maniacally, his face turning purple, “OR BY GOD YOU’LL BE THE FIRST ONE GONE!” Derek showed no sign of intimidation and walked on without a word. This made Sam even more irate. He screamed, cursing at the top of his lungs at the workers who stared at him with there eyebrows raised. Sam sat down and chugged the rest of his ice tea, muttering to himself.
About five minutes later Sam’s boss tapped him on the shoulder. Sam looked around and spit on the ground,
“Whadda you want?” Sam asked,
“You’re fired,” the boss replied.
“Oh” said Sam. “Well then so is Derek,”
“You can’t fire Derek,” said the boss “He is no longer under your control,”
“Have you officially fired the paperwork?” asked Sam,
“Well, no but we can rehire him,” Said the boss
“Not if you can’t find him!” yelled Sam and he kicked the boss in the chest and ran down to grab Derek, “I’ll be back in 5 days and if you don’t have a reasonable pay raise by then, you’ll never have your precious worker!” Derek suddenly kicked out and knocked Sam off of his feet and down the stairs.
“Everyone here is fired!” yelled Sam as he limped toward the sheets in his office,
“I don’t think you’ll be able to sign them all by then,” said the boss raising his fists
“Oh I pre-signed them, just in case,” replied Sam. He punched the boss hard in the face and slid down the handrail, throwing slips of paper at everyone he could see. Derek slid after and jumped on him. Sam handed him a slip of paper and got up. Everyone was staring, then Sam did something that he wouldn’t have done on a non-drunk basis. He jumped out the 30 story window.
Interval II
Sam flew out of the window at top speed, his small fraction of hair whooshing in the wind, jumping out of the window had sounded like a good idea at the time. But now he was about to die, so he better say something epic.
“SCREW YOU AMERICA!” he yelled “WITH YOUR NO DICTATORS AND FREEDOM OF SPEECH! HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME! And he slammed straight into the ground, luckily there was drying cement on the sidewalk and it barely saved his fall. He got up and shook the cement off his face, sputtering and cursing under his breath. He looked up at the factory he was never welcome in again, and flicked them off. Then he waved for a taxi,
“Take me to New York, I can start a new life there” said Sam, “AND MAKE IT IN A JIFFY OR I WON’T PAY!” The taxi driver grabbed him by his shirt and threw him hard onto the ground. Someone else took him by the shoulders; it was George Orson the man who had taken his wife.
“Oh hello Sam, fancy seeing you here,” George slammed a punch into Sam’s face. It didn’t hurt much because most of the cement had hardened around Sam’s forehead.
“Get out of here Orson,” said Sam, raising his fists intimidatingly, George pulled a leather glove out of his pocket and slapped Sam across the face with it. Sam drooped left and slammed his fist right into George’s stomach knocking him back into the cement. George stayed there for about a minute an expression of surprise on his face. Finally Sam said,
“I don’t need you,”
“But I need you” said George. Sam widened his eyes and took a step back.
“No-no I mean this cement hardened on my back and I’m stuck here,” answered George. Sam shrugged and walked away.
Interval III
Sam had no where to go, he usually stayed at Georges house because his wife didn’t want to be rude, but considering the owner of his household was stuck in the sidewalk, he had no where to go.
He hobbled along sadly watching through a window of a pizzeria, suddenly a cop car shot out from around the corner, its siren wailing madly. Sam dived into the pizzeria and jumped behind the counter. Derek dropped the tray of pizza he was carrying.
“Sam, Y-you work here?” asked Derek
“Yeah sure,” replied sam “Hey shouldn’t you be at the factory?”
“You fired me, remember?” said Derek “Well apparently we need your consent to rehire anyone you fired. There are other certain rules but since you fired about everyone, we basically lost the factory. Sam smiled evilly,
“So I shut down a factory,” Sam said, rubbing his hands together.
“You have until the cops find you,” Derek said sadly. Sam jumped up and ran back to the pizza-making place and grabbed a pizza. He rubbed it around on his face, then he ran out quickly again, and waved down another taxi.
“HEY STUPID, GET ME OUT OF HERE!” The taxi driver picked him up by his shirt and slammed him through a side window.
“Okay where to?” asked the driver
“Ouch” said Sam. The driver stepped down hard on the gas pedal and started speeding through the streets,
“Hey what are you [ow] doing,” said Sam “I [ow] need to [ow] get my [ow] head out of this [ow] window.”
“Whatever you say,” said the driver over Sam’s constant ows. He shoved Sam’s feet out behind him pushing onto the hard street.
“Hard to find a good taxi-driver here,” Muttered Sam
Interval IV
Now Sam was really in for it, stuck in the middle of the street, without any knowing of where he was or what he was going to do. He shuffled down the street, hanging his head low. He should have realized he was in the middle of the road. He might have avoided the truck speeding at him at 90 miles per hour
The car was dragging something that was pulling up the road; it was George, attached to a giant block of cement that the car had evidently pulled up. Sam was knocked up high into the air. He landed with a triumphant smile on top of the car. He climbed onto the hood and smashed the front window.
His former girlfriend was sitting there looking angry, then interested. Sam must have looked like quite a sight, his hair was everywhere, there was hardened cement on his forehead, and he suit was all astray with bloodstains and bits of glass
“Sam? What the he-,”
“No time to explain.” Said Sam
“Well you can explain to me,”
“No I can’t, speed forward,”
“I don’t think I can until you tell me what I’m asking,”
“Okay well then, I—I” Sam sighed and once again jumped into the street.
Skylark Eltonburg
I’m going to start posting some of my writing pieces on here, like I said I would. This one is a western thats probably not the best thing i’ve ever written, because westerns are suprisingly hard to write…
Skylark Eltonburg
By: Avery 6th
Linus McHoover was not a patient man. He would wait for that Eltonburg bloke to come into town like his hog would fly. Once the militia came back empty handed he went after him himself.
Skylark Eltonburg was the one he was hunting, it was practically pointless. Eltonburg was tough as nails, they said he had been to hell twice, and they still wouldn’t take him in. But McHoover was stubborn, and he wanted Eltonburg, he wanted Eltonburg bad…
McHoover slung his rifle over his shoulder as he looked around; there was nothing but an abandoned saloon in his general direction. He had been looking for Eltonburg for days but had seen nothing. Eltonburg was hiding alright, the question was, where? McHoover mentally went through all the possible answers as he approached the abandoned saloon cautiously. He slowly opened the rickety wooden door entering a room with thick musty spider webs and pulled up floorboards. He brushed aside the spider webs with the butt of his gun and looked down at the torn up floor, an ominous hole in the ground stared out at him and he slowly entered. The rough gravel slanted downward into a wooden shaft that looked close to breaking.
McHoover picked up the shovel on the ground, the only thing littering the vacant floor and walked back out slowly out of the saloon examining the shovel. As he walked out into the sun he heard a threatening voice:
“I believe you have somethin’ that belongs to me,” Skylark Eltonburg said.
****
“Sheriff, please Eltonburg just looted one of our neighboring towns, he’s sure to hit us soon!”
“Then we will find him and kill him when the time comes,”
“Sheriff, it’s not as easy as that!”
“It will be while I’m sheriff here.”
“But sir—-,”
“If Eltonburg wants to come here then he can kiss my ass cause ain’t no one is getting in to this town!” Officer Jerald Cunningham stormed off, muttering under his breath about incompetent fools. He knew Eltonburg would be after him the first chance he got, and considering the town would have no defenses Eltonburg could just kill him in his sleep. If the sheriff wouldn’t defend his town for Eltonburg then he would.
“Cunningham!” the bartender exclaimed, “what’s eatin’ ya?”
“Eltonburg is coming,” said Cunningham as he turned to the silenced crowd, “he’s only just hit a neighboring town. Took out there sheriff before any of em’ knew what was happening.” The crowd gaped at him, looking round in surprise. “Ya’ll better be ready,” one of them said,
“Dern right! I ’m sleepin’ with one eye open” Cunningham said. Then the chatter died down and the crowd quickly parted as Eltonburg pointed his revolver at Cunningham’s chest. Help me! Cunningham mouthed out, his hands going up into the air. There was about ten seconds of silence, and then Sam, a farmer with straw colored hair threw a punch hard at Eltonburg’s face. He went down quickly, and ten men quietly pulled their guns. Eltonburg shot quickly and jumped forward, there were several more bullets returned from the men around, Cunningham ran through the smoke towards the exit, jumping out. The bell rung and the sheriff and some of his men rode toward the saloon. Eltonburg jumped out the bottom window, two bags filled with money strapped to his belt. His pistols went off quickly towards the men and Eltonburg shot left, the men followed quickly as Eltonburg jumped on his horse, shooting off away from the town, leaving the men speechless. That night the sheriff sat out on his old rocking chair at the front of the town holding his old remmington. Only one other man was chosen to help guard the town, Johnny Crimson, a handsome black haired man with a white wide brimmed hat. He was only armed with a revolver. Nothing seemed to happen that night, the sheriff fell asleep halfway through and woke up abruptly.
The next night they did the same thing, except helped by an old Indian named Black Colt, again the sheriff fell asleep. This time they heard a firing in the distance. Johnny Crimson moved slowly forward, followed directly behind by Black Colt. They heard another gunshot and tripped backwards, a black horse trampled towards them, Eltonburg was moving forward up to the town. Johnny Crimson fired his revolver, waking the sheriff, another bullet quickly pierced through the chest of Black Colt instantly killing him. Eltonburg jumped off his horse, both his hands clutching his revolvers. The sheriff jumped up, firing his shotgun off twice, missing Eltonburg both times. Eltonburg knocked his fist into the sheriff’s face. Crimson fired at Eltonburg, brushing his shoulder, Eltonburg punched Crimson directly in the face and jumped to the right, turning to the sheriff.
The sheriff fired his shotgun 5 more times, wasting all his bullets on the swift Eltonburg who dodged all of them. Skylark readied his weapons and fired, hitting the sheriff superficially in the chest and moving on. Crimson was paralyzed, he tried to move, to shoot at Eltonburg and bring him down but his feet felt like they were glued to the floor. Crimson didn’t take a look at him as he tied Black Colts unmoving corpse to the back of his horse and rode off.
As soon as he had left down the horizon to terrorize the town, Crimson got up and ran towards the sheriff. There was a bullet in his chest from close range, that couldn’t be good. Eltonburg had taken the shotgun and Crimsons pistol so he slowly hoisted the sheriff’s body onto his shoulders and dragged him al the way to the town, which was not a pretty sight. Eltonburg had already hit it. Two buildings were on fire and shattered glass was everywhere. A few cops lay senseless on the ground, and the rusty old water tower had been shot open and was releasing gallons of water onto the people in the tavern. Crimson layed down the sheriff and ran forward towards the edge of town, he was determined to find Eltonburg at all costs.
Crimson quickly ran back to his old log cabin, sure enough it had been knocked over and blown up mostly. Crimson entered the ruins of the house, running upstairs he grabbed two pistols and a big bag of ammunition. Straightening his pallid hat he ran back towards the town, jumping on an abandoned horse he rode off, to find Eltonburg and bring him down.
The sun rose slowly over the hot desert. Johnny Crimson woke up, ready for his long journey. He could hardly make out a couple of footprints going towards the east so he followed them. They hardly led him anywhere except for further into the desert, where his only company was an old tumbleweed. It was the same for several days, and Crimson barely scavenged himself a couple cactus fruits and water. Finally on the 5th day of walking mindlessly through the desert, looking for Eltonburg, Crimson was actually given some company.
It was the dark silhouette of a man, when he came closer, towards Crimson he was revealed. It was the old Doctor, Crazy Mick who had ran off from the town months ago. His tattered white jacket revealed a heavily tanned chest with a belt of bullets strapped under it.
“Crazy Mick!” Crimson said, running at him.
“Ugghhh,” Crazy Mick groaned,
“What happened,” said Crimson urgently,
“The bandit’s,” Crazy Mick croaked, “Th-they got to me just before I reached the next town. They shot at me and I been running the past weeks. There close, Johnny, real close. Nearly got me once, shaved the hair on me chin, shot away quick there Johnny. We gotta run, run right now.” Crimson looked closer at the horizon, what he had earlier thought to be a dune, or a cactus could easily be a horse-drawn carriage. Crazy Mick was already running, Crimson followed quick on his tail.
The bandits were coming at them fast, the horses dragging the carriage galloping in the wind, the bandits were already firing at them, there bullets landing in the sand behind them. The galloping got louder and louder, as it drew nearer. Suddenly Crimson turned around, drawing his pistols and firing. One of the men in the wagon, wearing a large dark suit, was caught off guard; the bullets blew into the wood right next to him and sent him flying off the side of the cart. The other two bandits on board returned fire and closed in on the two. Crimson threw Crazy Mick one of his pistols and pointed his weapon at the bandits who didn’t move. Finally Crimson spoke:
“Has either of you two seen a man named Skylark Eltonburg?” the bandits didn’t speak; rather they cowered backwards and shuttered.
“You can have it,” one said in a high squeaky voice. Crazy Mick shrugged at Crimson and they got on.
“I’ll ask you one more time.” Said Crimson, “Where is Eltonburg!?!” one of the bandits pointed north, where another horse was riding towards them, Eltonburg. Crazy Mick yelled and jumped backward, Crimson drew his pistol. Eltonburg stared, no weapons in his hands. He had long black hair that draped down to his shoulders, topped with a black wide brimmed hat. He wore a long buffalo-skin coat, his expression was blank. Crimson barely put his finger on the trigger when Eltonburg pulled his revolver and fired, BANG! Crazy Mick fell to the ground with a bullet in his shoulder. Crimson grabbed Mick’s pistol and fired at Eltonburg who ducked twice, and fired back. Crimson ran to the left, the bullet brushed his shoulder, blood started leaking out. Crimson dropped one of his pistols but kept firing in Eltonburg’s direction. Suddenly Crazy Mick jumped up, grabbing Crimsons dropped pistol and fired at Eltonburg, hitting him directly in the forearm.
Eltonburg fell to the ground, grabbing his bleeding forearm. Crimson moved forward slowly, Eltonburg jumped up quickly and fired again. Crimson was out of bullets, he put his gun on the ground and stood back, there was no way he would escape this one. Crazy Mick had been knocked off his feet again and was laying there. Eltonburg’s finger hit the trigger and Crimson jumped out of the way just in time. The bullet blew through the wagon near him, blowing wood everywhere.
“You are determined aren’t you,” said Eltonburg, lowering his gun. Crimson jumped at him, his fists raised.
“I think I have found my allies…” Eltonburg said, like nothing had happened. Crimson punched him hard in the gut but Eltonburg just laughed.
“Say, how would you and Mick here, like to join me?” Crimson didn’t say a word; rather he dived down for Crazy Mick’s pistol and pointed it at Eltonburg.
“I swear.” Said Eltonburg, “don’t you listen to those urban legends.” Suddenly Eltonburg drew his pistol and shot once into the air. 3 birds fell down to the ground in front of his feet. Crimson lowered his pistol a small bit. Crazy Mick slowly got up again.
“Run Johnny boy! That’s Skylark Eltonburg yer talkin’ to yeh know!” Crimson nodded, keeping his pistol level with Eltonburg’s face.
“I won’t kill you,” Eltonburg said calmly.
“Then I will!” exclaimed Crimson, and he fired several times at Eltonburg’s head, it knocked his hat clean off and Eltonburg hit the floor, his pistol coming loose and landing several feet in front of him. Crimson quickly put four more bullets in his pistol, Eltonburg jumped up quickly doing a sort of back flip to grab his gun and shoot Crimsons right out of his hand.
“I could have easily killed you there,” Said Eltonburg, chuckling. Crimson still didn’t say anything. Eltonburg held out his hand, Crimson shook.
“C’mon Mick,” said Crimson, following Eltonburg down into the desert until they reached an old wooden remain of a stronghold. The gate was in splinters so they walked right in. they gasped when they saw what was in it. It was overflowing with gold, weapons and food. There were bullets all over the shattered wooden walls.
“Lets get down to business,” said Eltonburg, taking a bite of biscuit. “I trust you men enough to not slit my throat in my sleep, but if you do I swear.” He rolled his bowie knife in his fingers intimidatingly. In truth Crimson had not had any thoughts of betraying Eltonburg. He had just figured that he would go with the flow and see what would happen. Crazy Mick was busy eating the beans that Eltonburg had thrown to him, he didn’t say anything.
“I found a gold mine out in Barren county, it could get us all filthy rich,” remarked Eltonburg, “thing is, there are two sides, and the other one is the one with the real riches, but no one must have found anything or there would be a large hole in the side of the gold mine I found, I tried to penetrate it but it was rock hard, you’d need a team of miners to break through.” Crimson thought for a second, if Eltonburg had tried the towns all around him it must be a very long tunnel. He knew of one where he had hid from old Farmer Citrus when he was chasing him down the lane, he had stayed in there for about 3 hours while he hid out, it was long and dark, and somewhat scary no one ever ran down there but it seemed like just the place that gold would be hidden.
“I think I know where to go,” Crimson said finally.
****
The trio rode there horses up to the now-deserted town. The rusty water tower had leaked completely onto an eroded building. The buildings that had caught on fire were now ashes and debris. Crimson led them over to a hole in the ground with fences around it. Eltonburg lit a lantern and handed out pickaxes to everyone. They started to climb in, when they heard a bullet, the sheriff and his hundreds deputies ran out clutching revolvers, shotguns, and rifles. Skylark Eltonburg didn’t waste a second. He dived behind a rusty fence and pointed his rifle out over it. Crimson quickly went airborne after him; he didn’t want anyone in his former town to see that he had joined forces with the outlaw.
Crazy Mick stood there, paralyzed for a second and then ran, less athletically then the other two behind the fence barrier. The sheriff’s posse pulled out there weapons and fired behind the fence. Eltonburg jumped up just in time to return fire. In about two seconds, no one could see because of all the bullets, Crimson jumped up to return fire as well. Crazy Mick stayed behind the barrier, whimpering on the ground. Crimson held his hat on, with one hand, returning fire with the other as the bullets flew towards them. There was about one second of reloading for the sheriff’s posse. Eltonburg took advantage of the moment and he knocked two men over and ran into the entrance of the cage. Crimson fired once and dived forward. Luckily in the surprise of the posse seeing it was Crimson they hesitated to fire, Crazy Mick ran behind him too. The cave was a lot more lit up now. Wrapped up food and ammunition were everywhere. It was evident that they had used this as a stronghold. The question was, why? The footsteps behind them were coming louder. Crimson followed Eltonburg down a long dark hallway, golden nuggets and small diamonds were beginning to light up.
“C’mon grab some of em’” Said Crazy Mick said
“No!” said Eltonburg, “No time, we can get these once we take the cave!”
“Ughhh,” protested Crazy Mick “But we did take the cave.” The sound of bullets countered his statement, and sped up there steps. The hallway ended in a shiny room with sky blue diamonds everywhere.
“Get away!” yelled Eltonburg quickly as he dropped two sticks of dynamite in front of the door, he pulled out a match, quickly lighting it he set all the dynamite to explode. The sheriff’s posse ran in closer and moved in; there guns drawn, they wouldn’t have wasted any time firing if they hadn’t been completely demolished. A few of the Diamonds were knocked down onto the ground. Crazy Mick ran forward to pick them all up, but this time Eltonburg had no protests.
“So they’re gone,” said Crimson eagerly, Eltonburg shook his head.
“Theres no way this dynamite could have taken out that many of them.” He said “they probably retreated and are building up for another attack.
“WELL THEN LETS JUST PICK UP ALL THESE GODDAMN DIAMONDS AND GO THEN!” Crazy Mick put in, with a satchel full of them. Eltonburg rolled his eyes and sighed but began plucking up diamonds off the floor, ceiling, and walls. Crimson put down his small leather bag and began placing diamonds in it as well. Once they had gotten all the loose ones, Eltonburg handed them pickaxes and they began mining. After about five minutes, Eltonburg ushered for them to go. Crazy Mick protested the entire journey but finally they made it back to the front of the mine and slowly crept out. The sheriff and his men had fled, but they would surely be back. Eltonburg, Crimson, and Crazy Mick made there way back to the horses (who had luckily not been stolen) and rode off. They dropped off there diamonds at Eltonburg’s fort and rode in to a neighboring town, which was filled with outlaws. When they saw Eltonburg ride in they began to cower off. Eltonburg ordered them out in a line.
“I need 6 of the most cutthroat, bloodthirsty outlaws you have.” He said intimidatingly. The outlaws did not look very threatening. Most of them were cowering backwards. Only two kept a straight face and moved forward onto Eltonburg. One was named Antonio; he had a short dark goatee, sharp green eyes and tight black and red clothes. His leather white cowboy hat was right in his eyes and his lips kept a straight emotion. The other man’s name was Todd Grant. His tan skin was littered with cuts and scratches, his long blonde hair flowed down to his shoulders. He wore one white stained T-shirt and a cotton black and brown jacket. Eltonburg didn’t seem very impressed but he seemed to accept them anyway.
“Anyone else?” he asked smugly “anyone else going to be brave enough to join me.” Four more men walked slowly up, brown and black leather jackets scattered between them. There names were Jade, Keitan, Peter, and Ethan. Eltonburg seemed to be satisfied with his crowd so they all mounted there horses and rode back off to find a surprise at there stronghold. They saw hundreds of cops from a mile away and quickly turned back towards the outlaw time. There were millions of dollars of things there, including weapons and food. The cops were set for victory. Now only two of his men were armed at all, not including him. He knew he could probably take them once he got the men weapons, but currently he would have to get some from the town. They were not eager to lend him the weapons. He would have to steal them. The men set up camp in a nearby barn, Crimson fell asleep immediately, and Crazy Mick, well he had been sleeping pretty much the entire time. The rest of the men were a little suspicious of Eltonburg. Antonio and Jade climbed up the ladder onto the rafters. Looking down onto Eltonburg they saw him grab his gun and walk out.
“Let’s follow him,” said Antonio, Jade shook his head,
“If we get found,” he made a slicing movement across his neck. Antonio glared at him for a second and then pushed him directly off the rafters onto a stack of hay then he climbed up to the roof. Eltonburg was riding slowly on his horse towards the town. Antonio jumped to the water tower right next to the barn. He kept jumping from building to building; Eltonburg began to speed up on his horse. Antonio was struggling to keep up with him by jumping from buildings. One other ledge was about 9 feet away, Eltonburg was quickly getting away. Antonio stood back and made the big jump. He barely grabbed onto the ledge of the building and pulled himself up. Eltonburg had gone into a building labeled ARMORY. There was the sound of a scream and Eltonburg came out holding a few shotguns, rifles and revolvers.
Antonio turned around and tried to run back but he fell down to the ground. Eltonburg heard a loud crash and saw Antonio lying in a large pile of leaves. He quickly ran towards him. Antonio quickly got up as soon as he saw him and started off towards the town, breaking into a run. Eltonburg chased after him on his quick horse, Antonio was no match for the horses speed and Eltonburg quickly caught up to him.
“What are you doing!” loudly whispered Eltonburg to the white faced Antonio,
“I could ask you the same question!” he replied.
“I’m getting us some weapons if you must know!” shot back Eltonburg. The sound of a bullet and some smoke ended the conversation abruptly.
“They’ve found us!” yelled Eltonburg, and he hoisted Antonio up onto the horse to ride quickly away through the smoke back towards the barn. They reached it shortly; Eltonburg jumped off and pushed the doors of the barn open.
“THERE COMING!” he yelled. Normally Crimson would asked ‘who’s coming’ but it was pretty clear, so he grabbed his hat and small bag, pushed Peter and Ethan out of the way and ran out towards his horse. Eltonburg was shouting orders over Crazy Mick’s shrill groans. Jade pushed his way towards Crimson’s horse and he pulled him on. Crazy Mick had evidently finally got up and was on his, one eye open, one shut. Antonio, Grant, and Keitan were all behind him, slapping his horse to get up and go. Peter and Ethan were the last to get out, seeing as they had been completely trampled by everyone else. They pulled thereselve’s onto Crimsons horse as well. Three people were riding with both Crimson and Crazy Mick, leaving Eltonburg by himself. All three started off down the dirt road.
The time they took to mount had given the cops a serious advantage on them, they could here the loud trampling and gunfire behind them as they continued on. The two horses behind Eltonburg were staggering with the weight and soon Crimson was forced to jump off onto the muddy ground. The horse completely collapsed. Ethan and Peter jumped off and ran for their life, Crimson jumped off and staggered after them. The horses trampling feet were getting louder with each second; Crimsons feet ached from hitting the ground. At the last second he heard another sound off trampling feet and he went off quickly. Eltonburg was pulling him behind his horse; Crimson was bopping up and down on the dirt ground. He attempted to pull himself up onto the horse but he couldn’t bring himself there. Crazy Mick was holding onto the saddle right next to Jade. Todd had kept on the horse and Keitan was breathing heavily to run right beside the horses.
Ethan and Peter were yelling at the top of there lungs and running away from the smoke. Eltonburg turned around and hoisted one of them; Ethan onto his shoulders Peter tripped and sat up, chasing after them. Crimson nearly fell off again but Eltonburg hoisted him up right behind him.
Crimson woke up again on the slowly moving horse towards a train station he didn’t recognize. Peter was lying down on the saddle directly in front of Eltonburg. Keitan was holding onto Todd Grant on the second horse. Crazy Mick was sleeping heavily, the sleeves of his plaid jacket hooked on one side of the saddle. Antonio lay on the side
“We get off here,” said Eltonburg, in a thick and sleepy voice. They all dismounted there horses and shook Crazy Mick who slumped at the back of the line. They all got on the train slowly, the conductor at the front asked them for tickets, but Eltonburg showed him something under his jacket and they moved on down the aisle. Crimson gave Eltonburg a confused look and he ushered him into a private room.
“Why are we here?” asked Crimson,
“We need to get to that cave,” said Eltonburg, “And the cops are in hot pursuit of us. We need to get out of here as fast as possible.” He looked out the window. The white faced conductor was being talked to by Todd while a cop nearby watched from behind a corner. Eltonburg looked at Crimson with wide eyes and opened up a latch on the ceiling. He climbed up out of the train and jumped up to the building the cop was waiting. Crimson watched as Eltonburg jumped off onto the Cops shoulders, taking him down silently. Then he jumped up and slid back into the room Crimson was in.
“That should take care of that.” He said with a smirk on his face. Suddenly Todd ran in and the train began to slowly move forward. Eltonburg laughed hysterically. Outside his door two cops armed with double-barrel shotguns prepared to break in. Crimson sat there, slurping his coffee. Suddenly Eltonburg jumped out and fired his revolver through the door. A stream of blood came out of the small hole.
“Their still here!” exclaimed Eltonburg, sounding scared for the first time Crimson had heard him. “Spread the word, he instructed as he started climbing out the latch. Crimson ran out into the room that Todd, Ethan, Peter, Antonio, Keitan, Jade and a sleeping Crazy Mick who was drooling on the table.
“The cops are still here,” Crimson said to the small band of outlaws. Everyone stood up except Crazy Mick who woke up suddenly.
“Goat?” he gargled, after a few seconds he passed out again in loud snores. Jade yelped and ran out, followed by Ethan. Crimson instructed Todd and Peter to patrol the halls. Antonio was left, smoking his dark cigar. Before Crimson could assign him anything there was an immediate sound of bullets. Crimson jumped up, his eyes wide and ran out to the hall to see what had happened. Jade was screaming and firing off all his bullets at an assortment of cops. Keitan was returning bullets as well from his rifle but bullets were everywhere Crimson ran to get Eltonburg; he tripped over Peter’s pale white corpse.
Before he had any time to realize the sadness of the occasion, he heard another gunshot and got up to start running. He ran into the room and quickly ran up the ladder. Eltonburg stood out there, firing his duel pistols at the approaching cops; Crimson fired his weapon out on them as well. Hearing the gunfire, Crazy Mick staggered up, holding his shotgun near his legs.
POW! He shot a cop in the leg, knocking him backwards onto the ground. He took a swig of golden beer and fell back down the ladder again. The cops were caught off guard and hit the ground. There was the sound of gunfire below them.
“Skylark!” shouted Crimson. “Come on! We need your help!” Eltonburg shook his head and started off towards the front of the train. Crimson didn’t even get a chance to ask what he was doing. He quickly ran back inside the train again to encounter a very hung-over Crazy Mick.
“Ya got alcohol?” he asked woozily. Crimson pushed him out of the way and started down the aisle, encountering another familiar face. It was the sheriff of his town. There were lots of bruises on his face and he seemed to walk with a limp, but none of that took away from his intimidating image. Before the sheriff could say something insulting to Crimson, he was knocked out of the way by a rogue bullet. The cops were surrounding from all sides. Todd and Antonio were blasting away, completely surrounded. There was no sign of anyone else, besides Crazy Mick who was making loud grunting noises. Crimson knew there was only one way out. He dashed towards the ladder, grabbing Crazy Mick on the way and pulling him up to the top of the fast-moving train. Crazy Mick looked at Crimson, startled.
“Just follow me.” Crimson muttered as he started jumping over the separate rooms to get to the very front of the train. The landscape whooshed by fast, Crimson had no time to admire it. He began to notice bullets shooting up through the roof of the carts. Finally through the 6th cabin, Antonio jumped up unarmed. His short hair seemed to be everywhere and his new brown leather jacket was flying everywhere over his plaid shirt. Before Crimson could say anything he broke out into a run. All of a sudden the sheriff pulled himself up, armed with two monstrous pistols. He knocked Crazy Mick down with both shots. Crimson didn’t have time to think as he pulled the sheriff down into the room again, he landed on him hard and flipped over the table, which flipped and pinned both of them under a few chairs.
Crazy Mick dropped down after them, holding a bible with two bullets penetrated in it in one hand and a beer bottle in the other. Crimson pushed the heavy chair off of him and slid out. He climbed up onto the roof and started off again towards the front, breaking into a sprint.
Antonio was several yards ahead of him, running for his life and Eltonburg was nowhere to be found. Suddenly the train pulled to an abrupt stop. Todd leaned out a window and ushered for them to drop down into the vast forest. Antonio turned around on one foot and sped towards them, jumping off in a barrel role onto the grass. The train started moving again at a fast pace, leaving them immediately.
“Where’s Jade?” asked Crimson,
“Yeah, grape,” Crazy Mick shouted drunkenly,
“The rest of them are still on the train,” Todd replied, ignoring Crazy Mick’s drunken comments. As if on cue, the train seemed to speed up, its rail going slightly off track and shooting up a few inches.
“They told us to go,” said Antonio defensively, “said they had no idea where Eltonburg was and we were gettin’ shot at deeply at the time, nothin’ we could do, really.” Crimson sighed irritatedly. Crazy Mick suddenly burst out laughing; he fell on the ground in rolls of hysterical laughter as the others looked towards the train. There was Eltonburg, bursting his way through a truckload of cops who were being knocked off the train one by one as they tried to shoot at him but were restrained by his fast and soundless movements, knocking them all off track, singling them out and picking them off. His holsters were empty and he had just pulled up his hat from the top of the roof. He dusted it off and punched another cop, creating an opening for him to jump out of. He grabbed the cop’s gun and jumped off right before the train hit a thin bridge and moved out of sight. Eltonburg was still in near vision of the rest of them. He holstered his pistols and moved towards them, having identified them earlier.
Crimson ran up to him, “What now?” he managed to gasp out between breaths.
“We find the next biggest outlaw,” Eltonburg replied, as if that solved everything.
****
Crazy Mick seemed to have grown uninterested of his beer bottle and was now loudly rambling nonsensically. Crimson had a headache. Before long they reached a large ramshackle brick house. Eltonburg moved up to the front of it, gesturing for the rest of them to stay behind and knocked rapidly. An eccentric man wearing a rather small white top hat moved out. He had a gray beard growing down to his long aqua-marine jacket. He welcomed Eltonburg in with what looked like nothing less than a shudder. He looked like the least-likely candidate to be the second best outlaw of the decade. Eltonburg seemed to have no doubts. They sat down in rickety brown chairs in front of his desk. Crazy Mick stayed near the back to look at fancy glass figurines.
“What do you want?” the man with the beard questioned.
“Barney,” Eltonburg said, “my old pal.” Barney looked confused. Eltonburg quickly continued before he could reply.
“Of course,” Eltonburg said, “who wouldn’t have guessed that the two top outlaws were childhood friends?” Barney looked like he was about to say something, but realizing that Eltonburg was complimenting him stopped.
“Barney, I can’t hold things out like this much longer, I just can’t make it through this, I need a great outlaw to help me.” Barney looked confident,
“For how much he said,” grinning.
“Oh, maybe 200 dollars?” Eltonburg said, knowing he would be refused.
“No less than 400,” said Barney, looking positively delighted. Eltonburg smiled grimly and put down a light bag filled with shining golden coins.
“Now Barney, do your share,” said Eltonburg. Barney’s eyebrows raised and then suddenly he ran over to his brick wall. He removed several crumbling bricks, pulling out an old dusty grey cowboy hat and an old jacket. Two revolvers wrapped in thick brown leather cloths.
“We’ll call you when we need you,” said Eltonburg, starting out. “I wasn’t lying about him being a great outlaw,” he mumbled as they went out of hearing range. Todd and Antonio stood propped up against one of the horses playing cards and Crazy Mick was vomiting all over his. Eltonburg gestured for them to start off, Crazy Mick fell off his horse and hit the ground. Crimson climbed onto the vomit-covered horse and Antonio climbed on behind them. They began toward a barn with red peeled paint. A few farmers with large double barreled shotguns stood, tending to there cows. Todd ran forward to kick one of them in the face, knocking them into an oversized bucket of milk. The other two farmers fired randomly at them. Eltonburg slid down and kicked one off his feet. The other farmer realized who it was and dropped his gun slowly, stepping slowly backwards. Todd pointed his gun at him and pushed him backwards into the loft.
“Now, we’re going to stay here as long as we want all right?” he said like he was talking to a four year old. He backed off slowly and fell on a bale of hay.
The others had chased out the farmer in the milk jug and they were beginning to lye down on the hay. Suddenly Barney bursted in, screaming and running for his life. He dived down into the hay. Eltonburg didn’t ask and quickly pulled the barn door closed and bolted it. They heard the farmer screaming and banging on the door. There was a loud gunshot and he screamed and bolted off.
Luckily it was already obvious that they had been in the barn, because Crazy Mick’s random screams did not hide them very well.
“I thought you said you would go sober!” Crimson yelled.
“I am!” he screamed throwing his beer bottle at the wall. “Uh, anyone got anymore liquor?” he asked, passing out.
It wasn’t long before the cops started trying to break through. A large bayonet broke through, and on habit, Todd shot six shots at it. The cops stuck a pistol through the hole, firing all around. They all avoided the bullets, and Crazy Mick started screaming hysterically. Barney joined him when a long sword pierced through the lock. Todd had climbed up to the loft and jumped down, knocking down a few cops with his bullets. He landed on one of there necks and pulled him down slowly. The rest of the cops ran forward with giant rifles, one of them grabbed Todd and a long stream of bullets chased Eltonburg, Crazy Mick, Crimson, and Antonio. All four of them ducked under and ran under there legs, knocking some of them over and got out to the horses. The horses unfortunately had not been tied up properly and had run off at the sound of gunfire. Crimson could only see Eltonburg as he staggered outwards behind him up the winding sand road.
After he was about a mile away, with the sound of gunfire following him all the way, he looked behind him. Barney stood there, huffing and puffing and trying to climb up the hill on all fours. Crazy Mick, Antonio, and Todd had all been taken away; Crimson didn’t even notice that Barney was completely bullet free. There was not as much as an ounce of gunpowder on him, and unlike he and Eltonburg, there were no holes in his jacket caused by the flying bullets.
Crimson ran up forward to Eltonburg who was nearly sprinting now to keep away from the bullets. They were up a large mountain and were quickly trying get up to the top where they would be out of reach of the bullets. They were able to see Antonio and Todd being dragged into large horse drawn carriages. Crazy Mick was sitting on a barrel belting out to the tune of ‘Mary had a little lamb’
Mary… had a little, pig,
He tasted like… whiskey and potatoes…
Crazy Mick suddenly vomited and started screaming again, he was gagged and thrown in the back of the last horse drawn carriages and they rode off. Eltonburg gestured for them to dive behind a rock as the carriages rode off. Once the carriages were out they snuck down to the town. There were signs up everywhere saying
Skylark Eltonburg
Wanted
$600 reward
It had an inaccurate picture of Skylark with Crazy Mick, Crimson, Antonio, and Todd. Eltonburg tore it off and started off for the end of town. They entered a large stable with 12 horses tied up in it; Crimson pulled a bowie knife out of his pocket and cut the rope on one, hopping with a loud cry. Barney sighed and pulled himself up onto a horse as well.
And then they went on. Quickly they followed the tan sand road, hoping for any hint of the carriage. They had traveled nearly five miles when they came upon a jail, littered with posters of the poorly drawn Eltonburg. The three of them entered upon arrival and more then what they were looking for.
Crazy Mick sat in his cell, looking around and coughing. 4 hours without whiskey for him was like a year for a regular person. Todd and Antonio had been chained to there wall. There pistols were luckily still in there holster but out of reach and thoroughly removed of the bullets. Ethan and Jade were also sitting in a cell, looking like they had been there for a while.
Eltonburg picked the lock in a few seconds and entered Ethan and Jades cell. Suddenly there was a click and they whirled around. Barney stood; his feet deadlocked on the ground, pointing the only pistols Crimson and Eltonburg had been armed with directly in their face.
****
The execution would surely be soon. Crimson sat, shackled to the wall right next to his comrade Eltonburg, he was deep in thought. Finally after what felt like hours of stress, a man in a dark suit and mask walked in, he replaced the shackles with handcuffs and led Crimson, and the others out. The only ones remaining were Todd and Antonio. Todd was bouncing around and struggling with his shackles, Antonio’s eyes were closed and he was deep in thought.
It took a real battle to get Todd down and handcuffed. Antonio kept his eyes closed and was led to the spot where they all were. Near them sat Barney, in a perfectly tailored white suit and a brown cigar with little red ashes flecking down onto the ground. Antonio opened his eyes and looked down sadly.
“You all are idiots” Barney said, laughing slightly, “Here you are, about to get hung. I thought you were the roughest toughest outlaws in the west. But evidently I’m tougher.” He laughed and shook his cigar.
“Innocent until proven guilty,” Antonio grunted, his eyes closed again,
“Well there is no trial for you.” Barney replied, “I could take you all on with one arm tied behind my back and blindfol—,”
Antonio sprinted over and grabbed Barney’s neck; he shoved him against a wall and squeezed hard. Barneys face began to turn purple and he struggled to move his arms. Within a few seconds his body dropped to the ground and a dozen cops ran in. Crazy Mick’s eyes lit up and he tore off his handcuffs. No one said anything between the explosion of gunfire that seemed to engulf them. Crimson closed his eyes and tore through, opening them near the center of town. He heard another loud sound of gunfire and started running. He didn’t see anyone who was behind him as he ran down the dirt road.
“Keep going!” yelled Eltonburg down the road, desperation in his voice. A large wheelbarrow sat in front of a steep hill. Crimson took a glance behind him and saw Eltonburg, Antonio, and Jade running in front of the horses. Ethan was crawling along the dirt road. There was blood splattered all over his bullet torn jacket. The horses trampled over him and knocked him into the ground. That was another down. Crimson looked forward again and, without thinking jumped into the wheelbarrow and shoved it forward. Crazy Mick randomly jumped in, and the next memories were blurry for him.
Crimson was shooting down the hill at almost 30 miles per hour Eltonburg was tumbling down the hill next to him.
“Get out of that!” he yelled,
“Why?” screamed back Crimson
“Because it’s filled with dynamite!” He replied, Crimson jumped out just in time to see five shotgunner’s all hitting the wheelbarrow with 100% accuracy… BOOM! Everyone was rolling down the hill without knowing who was who and what was happening. Jade was speeding down the hill and was less than an inch away from the explosion that was near enough to engulf him.
“Jade!” Crimson cried out, Jade was lifted into the air and flipped up the hill, flaming. Crimson looked away and landed at the bottom, mud all over him. Antonio was already up and running off from the remaining cops. Eltonburg, Antonio, and Todd were already off. Crimson was forced to accept: Crazy Mick was dead. As if to contradict him a loud “YEEE HAAAA!” erupted from the flames as Crazy Mick rode down the hill on a black horse. He jumped over the corner and shot past everyone else. A minute later he rode back to the group.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said as he gestured for everyone to get on. The horse was not strong enough to hold all the weight but the cops were just around the corner and they quickly sped off.
They approached an old shack. A dot in the horizon of the sand, an old man pushed open the door and walked out, brushing a rusty shotgun up and down. Eltonburg jumped off of his horse and strode casually over to the old man, whispering into his ear. The old mans’ face went white and he shot back into the shack. Eltonburg continued on without a second thought. They moved on for about nine more hours until they approached the old cave, Eltonburg climbed off of his horse and walked inside, he held up his lantern and looked around. Crimson, Todd and Antonio all entered next, and with a cry of “Eureka” Crazy Mick rolled in with two bottles of beer in his hands. Eltonburg sighed and rolled his eyes. He held the lantern up to the walls filled with diamonds. Before anyone could say anything there was a giant explosion and they all jumped back. Lit sticks of dynamite were thrown out into the cavern. All five of them backed up against the wall.
Crazy Mick screamed and tried to climb up the wall. More Dynamite bounced around the cavern. The diamonds shattered onto the floor. Crimson yelped and toppled off the wall. Suddenly the dynamite ceased. Eltonburg ran forward down the cavern, signaling for them to follow. Crazy Mick scooped up a load of diamonds into his leather sack and toppled forward after them. Crimson couldn’t until a flash of gunfire revealed an unimaginable amount of people storming inside. He jumped over to a wall and tried to climb on a horse and kick his way out. The sound of beer bottles shattering and Crazy Mick’s hysterical screams was all he could hear. His horse bucked and he flew through the air into the front of the cave. Eltonburg was fighting to get out, his fists swinging around and knocking helpless cops to the ground. Todd was struggling to stay standing, they were overwhelmed. Antonio bursted forward to the front of the line and cried out.
“I’LL HOLD THEM OFF!” he yelled, screaming as he was pulled back. Crimson felt himself roll down the hill in front of the cave. He struggled to get up and saw Todd speeding off in front of Eltonburg and Crazy Mick. Then for the second time, Crimson watched in awe as the cave exploded in orange and scarlet flames with Antonio in it. Eltonburg galloped in front of the flames, an evil look on his face.
Crimson sat down on a nearby rock, his breath was gone. Todd had gone, the sound of his horses hooves becoming distant. Crazy Mick stumbled forward and sat down, draining another bottle of whiskey.
“How did you even get that?” Crimson asked. Crazy Mick shrugged and turned away.
“Look,” Eltonburg said “This happens to me a lot I-I, shouldn’t have brought you along.” Crimson shook his head and looked straight down.
“Well, they didn’t all die you know,” Eltonburg said. And with a quick dash, he went off as the remaining cops moved down the hill.
“Did you see this man?” one cop asked holding up a picture of Skylark Eltonburg.
“Yeah, he went that way!” Crazy Mick said, pointing in the opposite direction.
Thus the legend of Skylark Eltonburg was formed.
The complete measure of self respect is whether or not you decide to play dungeons and dragons.
Who would win?
Who would win in a free for all battle between: Gandalf, Albus Dumbledore, or Obi-Wan Kenobi?
